I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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