I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
