Your dad touched me again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
