Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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