I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it because I queefed?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
