Jerry, you need to find god
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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