If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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