Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
MIDGETS
????
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
