A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
