I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
