Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
