i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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