I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
