So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
