So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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