apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
