dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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