TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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