That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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