really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
