you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
