It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
