Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
