this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
