Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
