You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
