and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
