I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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