It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
