I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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