Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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