Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
