Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
