hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
