I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
