I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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