Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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