I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
