farters have to be the big spoon...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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