The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
they need to just BURY HIM!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
