I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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