My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
