Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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