Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish my penis had a tongue
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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