Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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