garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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