What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
