I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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