Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
