Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
