I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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